Any Takers for 60?

Have you had or do you have an "if we're not married by age ___, let's marry each other!" buddy? I had THREE! And they are all now taken (and I know it's because my guy friends are fabulous - I know how to pick 'em!)!

My 30 (which is way too early to start playing that game, by the way!) was BW. The roommate of my best guy friend in college. He got married just before he turned 30 as I recall. Coincidence? Nah - pretty sure he knew what was ahead of him if he didn't!! :)

My 40 was Reed Morton. I have known him since Kindergarten and yes, for those who follow Gamecock football, he was the place kicker for USC from 1993-1997. We ran into each other at the infamous Tammany Hall (think of every cheesy dance club you have been to and then combine them all together and you'll have about half of the picture in your mind of that spot) and made that arrangement. Yep - he's taken now too!

And then my 50... The best part of this one is that we made the agreement because we laughingly assumed that we'd be old and getting ready to retire and just want to have some companionship at that point. Now that I am 37 years old, that is not so funny. My 50 was my best friend from college - Matt Stanton. And you know who snagged him? My college roomie Wendy! :) So I guess I am okay with that. Pretty sure they will make room for me in the RV we're going to tour the country in when we retire...




(PS - If you are reading this, hopefully you already know, but of course I did not take any of my "arrangements" seriously!!)

Chucky, Part 7: Small World Invasion

I visited Disney World at midnight for the first time since Grad Night in 1993 (I know, I'm OLD) - but this time I was with my three year old. Bad parenting? Well, maybe. But since we were staying on the Disney resort property (Cabins at Fort Wilderness - if you haven't stayed there, you should! And be sure to rent a golf cart!), we were eligible for "Extra Magic Hours." They keep certain parks open later and open others earlier so that those who are staying on property can ride most of the rides without the lines and intense heat of late July. One of the nights we stayed over included Extra Magic Hours from 11PM - 2AM, so along with Kat and her kids (ages 5 & 6), we went to the park during the day, took the kids back and fed them, bathed them & put them to bed. THEN, we woke them up and took them back to the park at midnight! They LOVED it! We got on all the rides with no wait, and in some cases, no one else on with us.

So it was all wonderful until we got on the last ride of the evening (at almost 2AM). "Small World." Annoying, repetitive song aside, I was pretty creeped out by the fact that we were the ONLY people in the ONLY boat in the whole place. All of the ones in front of us were empty and all of the ones behind us were empty. Most of the rooms you go through on the tour are pretty dimly lit. And then we got to Scandinavia.... Immediately on the left when you enter, there are 3 dolls on swings. Except that night. There were only 2... and an obvious spot where 1 doll was missing (cords hanging out of the seat). Suddenly, I am thinking, "What a great setting for a completely unexpected horror scene!" But then I remembered I was IN IT! So now I am picturing this grossly disfigured blonde haired, blue eyed doll rising from the "depths" of the water we were cruising through. Meanwhile, Ellie is smiling and saying, "Looky Mommy! A doggie!" And Mommy is thinking, "Maybe if we stay quiet, Chucky won't notice us."

Obviously we survived, but I'm thinking of setting up a meeting with some former Disney film producers with a chip on their shoulders...

Get a Sitter

DISCLAIMER: The tragedy that occurred in Aurora, CO in July is nothing to be glib about in any way - I want to make that clear before I begin this blog. Each and every person there was an innocent victim of the most horrific shooting in US history. That is not at all in debate in this post.

Who brings an infant and a 4 year old to a midnight showing of Batman?! Honestly, while I felt for the woman who was involved in the recent Aurora, CO shooting, I have to question her parental judgement. I have heard the argument that it's okay to bring an infant to the midnight showing at the theaters because they'd wake up in the middle of the night anyway needing a feeding. EEEEEHHHHH! (think loud annoying buzzer) First of all, it was a BATMAN movie! It is LOUD! This is not in any way good for infants and can in fact impact their hearing as there is still some significant development of auditory sensory happening during this time. Even if it were an estrogen-fueled Nicolas Sparks film adaptation (I am still seriously convinced that he has menstrual cycles), theater surround sound is always too loud. Secondly, a 4 year old?? My almost 4 year old daughter is scared to death of a fire alarm. I could not imagine subjecting her to any action film in a theater (or even at home!). It's just plain not age appropriate. And 4 year olds need to be in bed no later than 8 PM any night of the week. SELFISH PARENTING!

I went to a midnight showing of "Scream 4" - yes, I know but it is my favorite horror series. I saw babies there. WTF?! I ensured that my 2 year old (at the time) was safe and sound with my brother before I left to go and see the movie. And people brought infants?! Some studies show that people can recall imagery from infancy - is a massacre really something you want among the first things your child witnesses?

If you can afford a $10 movie ticket, $15 in popcorn, snacks and soda, you can afford a baby-sitter. And if not, wait for the DVD.

Forget the Twos - It's All About the Terrible Threes

It's official. The twos were a non-issue. It's the threes that make me want to jump off of a bridge some days! And as someone who has cared for children all of her life in some form or another and LOVED working with every age group, I thought I would be more prepared to deal with the not-so-fun realities of parenting. But there is no frustration like the one you have with your own child when it wears you down. And, it seems, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING can set it off.

Case in point: Walgreen's the other week. An innocent trip to find some battery-powered personal fans before heading out to the Magic Kingdom on the hottest day of the year (don't ask why!). She finds a bouncy ball that she NEEDS, and Mommy says no. She then pulls on her friend's shirt and makes her cry. Then she loses it at the checkout (where I had to immediately head after the shirt pulling incident) because I will not buy her a piece of candy that is possibly the worst choking hazard ever. At that point (the kicking, screaming, crying, red-face, arm flailing, crazed tantrum-mode), I had to pick her up and apologize to the clerk at the counter and the other people in front and behind me in the line. There is no being rational or explaining rationale. None. She doesn't care why; she just wants to freak out. Took about 20 minutes for that one to settle....

Exhibit B: Ellie is watching Netflix in her playroom (with every toy imaginable + flat screen TV + Wii/Netflix + every kid's show or movie DVR'ed and taking up all the space on the Dish Network) while I am fixing her a delicious and healthy meal in the next room over. It is awfully quiet in the playroom but since one of her favorites is on, I am under the impression that she is just avidly watching. I have the meal all ready and go to give it to her when I notice something on the beige colored carpeted floor. As I survey the room I find navy blue and yellow NON-WASHABLE crayon all over the floor, entertainment center, TV, Wii station, coffee table and futon. WHY???

Exhibit C: Doggie abuse. My other child is a senior citizen (16 years old) miniature schnauzer named MacGregor ("Mac"). My brother owns a 2 year old of the same breed (Gunnar).Apparently they have been put on the planet for my child to pull them by the collars, dump Tide and other liquid items on them, grab by the legs, grab by the head, kick and hit, etc, etc. For those who know me well, my dog is my first baby. I will not tolerate ANYONE hurting him, especially since he is more fragile these days. And since I kind of like Gunnar, I mostly stick up for him too :)

Yes I do understand that she is testing boundaries and is very much in the "id mode" but it is very hard NOT to get frustrated when I know SHE knows the rules. And how to act. And what Mommy expects. And what she needs to do to be a good girl. Most of the times she is, and when she isn't, time out is her sentence (which she hates so that's good news!). I have had to spank her (gently with my hand only!!) when she has refused to stay in time out and laughed thinking that it is all a game on a few occasions, and I am pretty sure that I feel MUCH worse than she ever does. Also, as a single mom, it is hard to be the disciplinarian AND the comforter. But I am both and that is my reality.

All I can hope for is that there is no terrible fours. Mommy just doesn't have that kind of patience. Or volume in her wine cellar.